Yeah, I know, the title.
Surprised coming from me?
So the song, 100 Years, I used to LOVE. I mean, I would TURN it up when I'd hear it on the radio.
Tap my foot waiting in line and it came on over the canned music at the store. Yep. Foo Fighting the 100 years, its a given. We only get a hundred years, to live.
During chemo, this song came on one afternoon while the family was at church. I had some tunes on and I was nursing a spinning head, fuzzy head actually, and as I listened to the words I just broke down at this part...
- I'm forty-five for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
I cried so hard.
Almost threw the radio through the window.
Wanted my 100 years! In fact, I demanded it!!!
And I felt like I couldn't even make it another 100 days. Sick, bald, with weak knees and sores in my mouth. With huge purple scars on my chest. Boy, I was a mess.
Well, the song kind of went away from the radio which was FINE with me. Cause after that chemo breakdown moment, if it came on, it went off as fast as I could get the button flipped.
I left a store once with all the things on the counter unpaid for.
Stupid song. Hated it. Wanted my 100 years, and it felt like someone was rubbing my nose in my diagnosis of having a cancer gene.
"Ha ha!!! You don't get your 100 years, your genes failed ya' honey...you get cancer instead! DING DING you da' win-nah!"
I threw that song away. And forgot about it. Or buried it. Probably put it all into denial maybe. Buried that cancer induced pain.
So, fast forward 2 years. Yep, 2 years from treatment now.
I'm alittle closer to that 100 year mark. I did make it that 100 days. And more. My hair grew back. The sores went away.
I'm clearer headed and not on any chemo drugs.
The song comes on...and what happens?
I tap my foot.
I start singing along.
I'm in the shower--so no one can hear my off key singing...and I realize something. I stop tapping, in surprise.
The song doesn't hurt anymore.
Yeah, I still want my stinkin' 100 years.
Painful as they may be.
I still want to live to be an old, cranky, goofy grandma. I'm going to be as crazy as my mom was. I want to see my youngest grown and my kids married and have grandkids, I want to spoil grandkids! I want to be going bald happen naturally, not drug induced. I want those creaks and groans in my joints to be because I have used them (or overused them) and not because of drugs that were killing my cells. Healthy, or not.
Time. This whole cancer journey, this whole thing, its a process. An ever changing, wearing smooth the rough edges and angles process.
Time heals alot.
Time is something we take for granted.
Time is relative.
Time gives us growth, gives us healing. Not only physically, but spiritually. Inside of us.
I want to give the gift of time to not only my friends currently battling cancer, but to myself and my family. I want this time robber stopped. What cancer does to a person, it's just not fair. It's not something you can explain to someone, even someone who grew up with alot of cancer in her family, in her household.
I am not ashamed to say that. "It's not fair" part...
I want time. We all want time.
I don't want to waste time worrying about time though.
I want to LIVE and I can now look forward instead of only looking at what I think cancer might rob me of. How this song healed me, I don't know.
I don't see Foo Fighters as an angel or anything. But something today clicked. Whether from the good Lord Himself, or from an actual spiritual awareness, I'm not sure.
And my fight with this song is done.
Do you have a friend/family member fighting cancer right now?
What can you do to help them with that gaping, bleeding, horrible wound? The one on the inside. The one you can't see. To help their journey ease up alittle bit. To ease the burden. The load. The heavy long travel. The throw the radio out the window moments...when all seems hopeless. When it seems final.
Give them the gift of time.
Go to the grocery store.
Cook a meal for them.
Give them some couple time if they are a family with kids.
Give them precious time.
Time for them to do something they feel they won't get to do in the future. Unfettered, uncomplicated. Not scheduled or planned time, but FREE time. FREE for them to choose. To use. To revel in. To create a memory. A moment in time. Marked. Just for them.
A gift from the heart.
Its doesn't have to be HUGE. Or earth shattering. It's that simple act that says, "I know you are hurting and I want to help, however small."
Send them an encouraging note. Give them HOPE.
For our days are numbered, not by the 100 years song...but by our Creator. And He so desires to give you happiness. To give you love. To give you peace. Its a gift beyond description. It's supernatural. Whether its for another 100 days, or another 100 years.
There's my revelation.